You do not want to work here.

 

You would be paid more elsewhere.

Your work would be easier elsewhere.

You’d have more of what they call [lahyf] [baluh ns], elsewhere.

And you’d have more job security elsewhere, too.

 

You’d be given a more impressive title elsewhere.

You’d be more satisfied with the agency’s address elsewhere.

You’d hear more fancy marketing jargon elsewhere.

And you’d play a lot more beer pong elsewhere.

 

You’d think that logo was really cute elsewhere.

You’d be able to use being creative as an excuse elsewhere.

You’d get to sleep more soundly elsewhere.

And you’d really look forward to your lunch, elsewhere.

 

You’d sit in more expensive seats, elsewhere.

You’d use the hashtag #thatadlife more often, elsewhere.

You’d collaborate with far, far prettier account people elsewhere.

And elsewhere, you’d be really proud of your local awards.

 

You’d be more comfortable elsewhere.

You’d have more defined roles and structure elsewhere.

You’d know what to do more often, elsewhere.

And elsewhere, you’ll be told how smart you are.

 

You don’t really want to work here.

Check out the more alluring job openings of elsewhere first:

 

This place did that one ad back in 1985. It was amazing. Let them tell you about it.

This place is nice just don’t think about showing your scandalous hairy man-legs in the office.

This place is very proud of their many many Addys on Instagram.

This place does ‘performance enhancement.’ Unsure if it’s the drug type.

This place is run by the guy who made > this. < Maybe if you’re a dude?

This place will help you qualify for a nice loan with a competitive APR. AND they do creative? Go there.

This place will have a beard with you. Pun intended but with apologies.

This place is cool because Frank works there.

This place wants you to reach out and touch them. Please do. Them. Not us.

These guys are still a thing, right? They seem like good people.

Holy Crap. This place has a giant Jenga set in their office. No. Go work there. 

This place was small agency of the year in 2014. They’re already good.

But hold the phone. This place has brought back Q-bert. Or at least his half-cousin.

 

That’s all within just a few square miles.

And elsewhere is hiring, people!

 

Elsewhere is sounding pretty good right now.

 

Here, we have nothing but hard problems with little info.

Here, we have challenges with no easy answers.

Here we have brutal truth, high bars, and no compromises.

And here, we have goals that are going to hurt.

 

You don’t want to work here.

Half the time, we’re not even sure we want to work here.

 

We are a discontented, dissatisfied and frequently disgruntled group.

It would be easier, safer and ultimately in your best interest if you looked elsewhere for work.

Let some other sad-sap fool apply for this job here:

Graphic Designer

Art Director